did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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