yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You've changed since you got that strap on
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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