If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
