He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
