Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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