we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
