Yo dont text me then not text me
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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