I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
