why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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