He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
