I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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