So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
