I heard we made out
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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