The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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