just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We're too hungover to prance.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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