she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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