At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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