just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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