I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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