You made me cry and you don't even care
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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