Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm getting married
To pizza
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
