Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
