bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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