My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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