I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize