My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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