Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
