I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
