You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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