Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
