oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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