Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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