Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
