Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
if only i could text you this smell
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
