maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
