so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My life is pants optional.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
