i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
