Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
