He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
