i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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