do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
