The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
