I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
