i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize