Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
