Umm I'm too high to move.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just found puke in my bra..
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
