Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
