i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
