Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
