Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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