My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
