I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
