This girl is more easily done than said...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
