I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
