it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
