Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later

(410): View more from Maryland

I knew I liked you

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won

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(937): View more from Ohio

I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first

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(281): View more from Texas

I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts

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(815): View more from Illinois

I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.

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(713): View more from Texas

it is shots o' clock and I am never late

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(312): View more from Illinois

Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.

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(972): View more from Texas

He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"

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(317): View more from Indiana

I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”

(317): View more from Indiana

I hope she gives him gonorhea

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