Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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