I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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