I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
