well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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