Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
North Korea, Best Korea!
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
