im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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