His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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