I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
