Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
